Phases

It's been one week since my first treatment, and a whole lot has happened along the way. For those of you looking ahead to ALL of those words and are dying for a one-sentence summary, here it is: I'm doing great. If all the "extra" words are enticing to you, read on...

A few days before chemo, we went to the Community North Cancer Center for "orientation". The vast majority of our time was spent on "here's the drug you will take, and here are the millions of side effects that COULD come with it." Last Wednesday at treatment was no different: "We are giving you this - don't be surprised if it does that," and named another list of side effects, or, "if this happens, then you need to call us right away." On one hand, it's very reassuring - knowing there's a solution for just about every kind of symptom you could experience. On the other hand, it kinda makes you want to plug your ears and go, "LA, LA, LA!" as loud as you can to drown out the endless "possibilities".

So, after treatment we headed home, waiting for the "possibilities" to rear their ugly heads.

Thursday was pretty uneventful. The day after each treatment I will have to return to the hospital to get a shot that helps to boost my blood cell production so that my body can tolerate the chemo every two weeks. So, Dad, Sam and I loaded up and headed back to the Cancer Center for the shot and the obligatory "sit here for 30 minutes so we make sure this doesn't do something crazy to you" wait out. In that 30 minutes Dad and Sam determined that they had volunteered for the right gig, what with the free coffee, hot chocolate and cookies awaiting them in the lobby. After the wait out, I was feeling pretty good, so we ran a couple errands and headed home. By the time I was back I was tired, but nothing major. A nap fixed that problem. That night we got together with our small group, and it was at that point I noticed the "change" start to come on. As we ate dinner and hung out together, I found myself getting quiet - fatigue and a fuzzy brain were setting in. I made it through the night, went home, and crashed.

Then began what I can best describe as the Pregnancy phase. I woke up Friday morning, and my stomach felt pretty lousy. I forced myself to eat something that didn't sound good and sure enough, I felt better. But every couple hours that feeling would creep back in, so I'd head to the kitchen to play a round of our favorite game of the week, which went something like this:

Concerned family member: "Does _______ sound good?"
Me: "No."
CFM: "How about ________?"
Me: "Ugh, no, and get it away from me. The smell makes me want to wretch!"
CFM: "What about _______? You need to eat something!"
Me: "Fine. Just give it to me."

Couple this with a LOT more fatigue, and you now have a clear picture of my weekend.

By Sunday morning it seemed as though my energy levels were coming around, so I decided to venture out to church. On the "you should really try to avoid this" list is being out in places with large groups of people. Church feels like a natural solution then, right? I decided I was gonna trust God on this one and venture out, rather than lose my sanity being shut up at home. It was a great morning, and I felt pretty good afterwards. I came home, visited with a friend, tried to work on a few school things, and took it easy.

And then came the next phase - the Goodbye Stomach phase.

For those of you who I've texted back and forth with during this days, I came up with every euphemism I could in order to spare you the exact details of what was going on in my body. With a medical background of my own, my gross-out factor is SUPER high, but I try to remember that not everyone enjoys all the gory details. Needless to say, my issue was not vomiting, but more south-of-the-border.

Sunday night I didn't feel so hot, but hoped it was a one time thing. I woke up with the kids on Monday morning, felt better-ish, and thought I'd try to head to co-op for the morning. EPIC MISTAKE. I made it about an hour and a half and was in the car and back home asap. I paid for my jaunt Monday afternoon and evening, and by Tuesday morning I felt like I'd been run over by a truck. But, I assured myself, I have to be rounding the corner today - this is Day 7 - the day everything "should" get better. However, my body had a different agenda. Midmorning I was standing at the sink and nearly passed out. Sophie came to the rescue with a bowl of cereal. Afterwards, I explained to her how I felt, and what she needed to do in case I did faint. Fortunately, fainting is nothing new for Sophie - it's a new trick she's picked up in the last year or so. Her triggers are blood/broken bones. When I explained what she needed to do if I fainted, my compassionate nurse said, "Stay on the couch. Do NOT get up. And put a pillow behind your head!" Ha! Unfortunately, not much later I needed to get off the couch and head to the bathroom. But by this time my head was throbbing, I was getting chills, and my temperature climbed about 2 degrees in 10 minutes.

Back at orientation I was given a "chemo bible" of sorts. On the front page is the list of, "If you do any of these things, call us right away." I took a quick glance at the list, saw I was busted, and made the phone call. After a brief chat, the nurse told me I needed to come in to receive some IV fluids because I was likely dehydrated. So, mom and I headed to the hospital for a little mother-daughter bonding time while Mike took the kids to a track meet. Divide and conquer, I always say...

Folks, I'm not sure what's actually in that IV - they say it's saline, but I think they're lying. Maybe it's elixir from the Fountain of Youth or something. All I know is EVERYONE should get IV's  - the are absolutely lovely. Over the next couple hours I could feel the headache, the heaviness, all of it - leaving me. By the end I was whooped - I missed my daily nap for all this fun - but overall felt better. I headed home, crashed on the couch, and slept like a baby. And then when I woke up yesterday morning...

The HALLELUJAH phase!

I felt great yesterday! I got up with the kids, had breakfast with them, got some of them out the door, did laundry, did dishes, took a shower, made soup for lunch - and still felt ok! Woot woot!! After lunch I sat down to read to Sophie for a few minutes, and it all came crashing in, but a quick 30 minute snooze and I felt good enough to head out the door with everyone to Sam and Sophie's track meet. Over the course of the day I was able to eat more and more normally as well.

Today seems to be starting in much the same way, which leaves me hopeful that we've weathered the first round unscathed.

Apparently Virgil (think Ancient Roman poet) said, "The greatest wealth is health." Now, I don't know if I'd go quite that far, but I'd definitely agree that you quickly learn to appreciate your good health when it's suddenly snatched out from under you. Mike has made the comment a number of times that it is so odd to think that I am somehow "sick" because I seem perfectly healthy. And then to throw in something like chemo, which makes you sick to make you better, and it all just seems a bit surreal. But despite the ups and downs of the week, I really am thankful - thankful I wasn't more sick; thankful that I have the ability to slow life down and take the time I need to feel better; thankful for all texts and cards of encouragement; thankful for the yummy food brought to our home when the last thing I wanted to do was cook a meal;  thankful that we can enjoy a few days of reprieve before we head back in for the next round; and ultimately, thankful to a God who has been GOOD to us, and whose love is going to endure this and everything else that come our way.

Love to you all,

Stephanie and the gang

One down...seven to go

Yesterday was a busy one! The alarm clocks were ringing at 4 am. I am a definite morning person, but that's crazy even for me!! We were out the door by 5 and in the surgery center at 5:30. To make treatments easier to deliver each time, I had a temporary port placed next to my right collar bone. The port helps to protect my veins from the toxic chemo drugs doing damage to my veins that would more likely occur if they just gave them to me via IV. Surgery began at 6:30. All went well, and I was awake and out the door by 9 am. I anticipated being very groggy after surgery, but my very perky anesthesiologist obviously did an excellent job of giving me just the right amount of "sleepy drugs"! 

Next up was chemo. For each treatment I will start by having my blood drawn to check my red blood cell count, white blood cell count, etc. There are "normal" ranges for all of these things, but during treatment, my "normals" will be allowed to drop, but it will all be a balancing act of making sure they are not too low. We will have to wait about 30 minutes each time to get the results. Yesterday, my nurse said my levels were great, but that's because all the fun had not begun yet! 

Speaking of my nurse, she was a very sweet one. I will always have one nurse dedicated to me for each treatment, so we get to spend lots of time together. Early in our conversation with her, we learned that she was a runner, which is always a fun find for this run-happy family! She mentioned that she was training for a half marathon over in Cincinnati. Mike starting asking her about her hill training since Cincy has more elevation changes than flat ol' Indy. She shared that she was in Cincy over the weekend visiting her alma mater and training with friends. When we asked where she went to school, she said, "Xavier - I ran on the cross country team there!" In that moment, I froze, and Mike lit up. Let me give you a little back story to explain our responses: I spent my first two year of college at the University of Evansville. While there, I attended many basketball games, and at those games I learned one important thing - I HATE XAVIER. Now this mostly had to do with the fact that they were very good and often our biggest rival at the time, but nonetheless, that hatred has carried with me all my days. For example, when Josh, my 16 year old, gets recruitment mail from Xavier, I typically tear it up and throw it away. Mike always tells the kids that if they get a full ride to a college, he doesn't care who it is, he will become a fan. Not so with me. So, when our very sweet nurse shared this with us, Mike couldn't get to the phone fast enough to text the boys with this fantastic news! Later in the morning, I was honest with my nurse about my feelings, but I also told her that I was very conflicted now because she was so very nice. Who knows...maybe this process will cure me of my cancer AND my hatred of Xavier. Stay tuned...

After lab results, I received 3 "pre-meds" - a steroid and two long-lasting anti-nausea drugs. The steroid helps with the effectiveness of the chemo drugs, and the anti-nausea drugs help to keep me from tossing my cookies over the first 4 days after treatment. Those drugs take another half hour to administer. 

Next comes the "big guns" - the two chemo drugs. The nurse has to gown, glove and mask to protect herself; a second nurse comes in the room to verify everything she's about to do. Serious stuff! They administer these drugs over the next 45 minutes. They had me chew on ice chips to help prevent me from developing sores in my mouth, which is fine by me! That is a side effect I would love to avoid for sure!

And that was it. We headed home, exhausted from the early morning and the excitement of the day. We planned to go home and take naps, but between the cancer center and home, the steroid kicked in. They warned me that the steroid might make me a little jittery and keep me from sleeping. They were correct! Instead of taking a nap, I picked up around the house, did a little laundry, worked Sam like a dog, and felt like I was back in my pregnancy nesting days! Fortunately, that died off a couple hours later, but in it's place came exhaustion and nausea. I'm not sure it was such a great switch. I was able to rest a little bit, but the nausea persisted through the evening. After a couple trips to the bathroom (sorry if that's tmi!), I felt MUCH better. In hindsight, I think my nausea had more to do with the aftereffects of surgery than the chemo, but I suppose we won't know that until the next treatment rolls around. 

Yesterday was a big day, but I'm reminded that it really was like any other day. There are highs and lows in everyone's days. Sure, my highs might be a little higher and my lows may be a little lower right now, but should how I choose to respond be any different? I was reminded this morning of Lamentations 3:22-23:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; 

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

Last night reminded me that this journey is not going to be easy. There will be dark moments ahead. But despite the changes in how I feel from day to day might change, the love God for me and our family will not change. There will be new mercies for each day that will see us through. Why? Because God is a faithful God - His promises to me are true and trustworthy. This doesn't mean some of these days won't be difficult, but it does mean He will be there to walk with us each and every day. 

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes - they are "mercies" to us each day!  Many of you have asked about meals and practical ways to help. A friend has set up a meal system on takethemameal.com. If you scroll down to the middle of the homepage, there's a box marked "Find". 

The "Recipient" name: Estes

"Password:  romans828

You can sign up to bring a meal, or there is a list of nearby restaurants if giving a gift card is easier for you. Either way, we certainly appreciate not having to worry about cooking in the midst of these crazy days!!

Have a blessed day, friends!

Stephanie and the gang

A Recap

Many of you coming to the blog have already heard about the beginnings of our journey into the realm of breast cancer, but for those who are just learning about this, here's a recap:

On March 17th, while at home, I noticed a lump in my left breast. The next morning I called my family doctor, and on the following Tuesday we began a whirlwind of appointments. The next day we were at the radiologist for mammograms and ultrasounds. We were thankful that the family doctor ordered the tests in such a way that the radiologist would look at the results immediately and speak with us while we were there. After the exam, the doctor informed us that he was concerned about what he saw, and that the next step would be a biopsy, which he performed right away. This lead us to a referral to a breast surgeon on Friday morning, where we learned that I did indeed have breast cancer.

We spent a half hour or more talking with Dr. Nate about potential treatment options; at this point they were only potential because more testing needed to be done to help him better understand the nature of the cancer, and, therefore, know how best to treat it. Those moments felt like drinking from a fire hose, to say the least, but Dr. Nate and his staff were incredibly gracious and did a fantastic job of explaining everything to us. During this appointment we also met Betsy, my Navigator, who will be following us through this journey as well. Betsy is a RN who will attend all of my major appointments, be available to answer questions both big and small, and will be an advocate on my behalf. I had no idea that we would have someone like this involved in our journey, but already I am so thankful for her knowledge and her words that helped to set our minds and hearts at ease.

Some of the additional testing involved a MRI. The doctors believed the cancer was contained to the one spot, and based on the initial ultrasound they did not think the lymph nodes were involved. However, they wanted to make sure that nothing was hiding, and a MRI provides even better results than a mammogram or ultrasound can. The doctor also asked me to have some genetic testing done for a couple reasons:
First, I am YOUNG! I'm telling ya, one of the many bright spots in this journey is gonna be that they keep calling me young! Who knew 41 was young! But technically, anyone with breast cancer under the age of 50 is considered "young". Either way, I'll take it!

Second, I have a significant family history of breast cancer on my dad's side of the family. For those of you who might of heard that you are more likely to get cancer if there's a history of it on your mom's side of the family - that's NOT true. Research now indicates that any family history has the potential to place you at higher risk.

Last week we received the results of the MRI. There was a suspicious spot in my lymph nodes, and further testing revealed that there is a single cancerous lymph node. This news caused the doctors to refer me on to oncology to discuss the possibility of chemotherapy. Last Wednesday after a 2 hour conversation with my wonderful oncologist, it was decided that based on the factors specific to my cancer and my young age, chemotherapy is something that needs to be a part of my treatment plan.

We were pretty overwhelmed, to say the least, at the change in events in just a few short days. We went from waiting for a couple weeks for genetics results, followed by surgery, to a new flurry of doctors' appointments and tests that lead to a plan for chemotherapy. But despite the quick change in plans, Mike and I have a lot of peace that this is the right and best way to go in order to get this cancer gone!

We have been so thankful for how quickly the doctors and everyone involved have worked to get us to this place. The plans for chemo are no different - I start tomorrow! I head into the hospital at 5:30 am for surgery at 6:30 to place the port that they will use for all of my chemo treatments. As soon as I'm awake from surgery, I will take a short ride over to the Cancer Center and begin my first treatment.

My first round of chemo will be four sessions every two weeks. After the first round, I will have a short break and then begin a second round of four sessions. Once the eight treatments are over, I will take a break for four to six weeks and then have surgery. So if all goes according to plan, it will be a summer of chemo, and we'll kick off the start of the school year with school and surgery! It's easy to be disappointed that this will all take place over the summer, but we are thankful that for this wacky homeschooling family, summer is our quietest time of the year. We are hopeful that I will feel well enough on our "off" weeks to take a few weekend trips closer to home and enjoy some of the lazy summer days.

Through all of this journey, we have been so fortunate to lean on our faith in God. We really have experienced His peace that passes understanding again and again. We know that the path ahead is full of unknowns, but we are resting in what we do know - that we serve a God who loves us, who is faithful to provide all that we need, and who has plans to take all of this craziness and work it for the good. As crazy as it sounds, we look forward to seeing how God works in us and through us in the days and weeks to come.

For now, we thank you so much for following us on this journey. Your kindness, your prayers, and your friendship really do mean so much to us.

With much love,

Stephanie and the gang

Meals, meals and more meals!

Happy Tuesday everyone!

For those of you who asked, my very sweet friend Cathleen has set up a meal schedule for us on
takethemameal.com . If you scroll down to the middle of the page, there's a box marked "Find". Here's the info you need:

Recipient last name: Estes

Password: romans828

For now we just have dates for the first round of chemo, so if you miss out in this round, don't worry! There will be more to come in the weeks to come. :)

In advance, thank you all SO MUCH for your willingness to serve our family in this way. It's not always an easy thing to ask for help, but we have been blown away by how so many have been willing to help out in this way and in so many others. So, THANK YOU! We love you all!

Stephanie and the gang